How Did You Arrive at Disappointment?
After I had an abortion, something within me snapped. Without the unchanging word of God, we will listen to false promises (even false doctrine) and have no idea that we're being fed a lie.
dis·ap·point·ed
/ˌdisəˈpoin(t)əd/
adjective
(of a person) sad or displeased because someone or something has failed to fulfill one's hopes or expectations.
I interpret that definition like a math equation: Someone + unmet expectations = sadness. Perhaps this is the part of that equation where you find yourself today— sadness. Your sadness may possibly be accompanied by confusion, disappointment, and/or regret. Wherever you are in your healing journey, I invite you to trace back your steps on how you arrived at this point. Who led you to expect something that perhaps God never promised? Where did that hope first take root? What is the true source of your expectations?
For me—and perhaps for you—there are many sources that fill my mind with promises. The things I can see and touch often fuel my desires and expectations most easily: a couple sharing a kiss in public, a business meeting in a cozy coffee shop, a lavish dinner at an upscale restaurant, or a glamorous photo of a model lounging on an exotic beach with a mai tai in hand. Since childhood, we’ve watched Disney mermaid princesses like Ariel transform into a human, gaining magical legs as she emerged from the ocean in a shimmering purple dress and marrying at just sixteen. For the guys, y’all have watched Peter Parker lead an ordinary life while secretly embodying a superhero, saving the world day after day. “How incredible my life would be if that was me.” That thought of discontent has to enter the mind in some degree, no?
Blaise Pascal said:
All men seek happiness. This is without exception. Whatever different means they use, they all tend to this end. The cause of some going to war, and of others avoiding it, it is the same desire in both- to be happy. This is the motive of every action of every man, even those who hang themselves.
Geez! This is true though, right? Just about everything you’ve done so far today was to make yourself happy. You fed yourself. You dressed yourself. You texted that friend you love and want to hear back from. You ignored the things that do not make you happy. If you can, for the rest of the day you will do what makes you happy. It’s not just you. We all have a common desire to be happy—earning a living, finding a spouse, raising good children, having fun, staying fit and healthy, etc. We shape our world to how we like it and seek to control it.
I guess, at what point in your pursuit of happiness did you run into disappointment? For me, it happens daily. There are surface-level expectations, like waking up feeling refreshed and well-rested, but that doesn’t always happen. I’ll plan to have quiet time with the Lord, only to be interrupted by the blare of ambulance sirens (city people, can you relate?). When I need to go somewhere, I expect a smooth drive, but instead, I’ll get stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic. Your disappointments may run deeper. Perhaps you expected to be married by now, to own a home, to achieve a certain income at this stage in your career, or to have a loved one who’s passed away still be by your side. The truth is, we all encounter various forms of disappointment every day.
So, what now?
We need to differentiate between disappointments caused by promises from people, family members, or society and what God actually promises us from His word. Are you truly disappointed with God, or are you upset about something someone said that you now expect God to fulfill? Thoughts like, 'If God loved me, He would give me X right now,' 'If God loved me, He would free me from X immediately,' or 'If God loved me, He wouldn’t have taken X away' can cloud our understanding. My ultimate favorite, 'I deserve X’.
I think as Christians, the word, “deserve” should be obliterated. Praise God that we do NOT get what we deserve because of what Jesus sacrificed for us on that cross, amen?
I said in my previous post:
The security I once found in temporary comforts—like being spiritual, relying on myself, and coping with my mom’s death in my own way—completely crumbled the day I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life: getting that abortion. After that, I was done. I needed a whole new direction. How did I get here?
Let’s trace back my steps, shall we?
I was told by people who didn’t know Jesus that sex was acceptable anytime and anywhere. It was suggested that if you weren’t having sex by age 18, something was wrong with you. It was presented like a dessert—something to indulge in whenever you wanted. People advised using contraception to prevent unwanted pregnancy, but if it failed, it was your responsibility to 'take care of it.' After I had an abortion, something within me snapped. My body literally reacted to the loss of life. My mind and spirit were filled with deep grief. There was ZERO relief in the aftermath. In that moment of desperation, I knew I couldn’t run to any of those previous distractions and coping mechanisms for comfort. Shame overcame me like a dark cloud and sat heavily on my chest. It held me in a chokehold and said:
“You’re mine now. You can never make your life right again. Look what you’ve done. You’re too far gone. No one will forgive you.”
This rude awakening that was my new reality woke me up, to say the least. The party was over. What a disappointment.
So, how did I end up here?
I pursued happiness without God. Lacking wisdom, a sound mind, and an understanding of true, holistic love, I let my fleshly desires and my own thoughts become my ‘truth’. This led me into foolishness—like having sex outside of marriage with someone I barely knew. I didn’t know that God created sex to be enjoyed within the context of a covenant—it is supposed to be, what I like to call, the icing on the cake of marriage rather than the foundation of a dating relationship. I didn’t know that sex alone couldn’t sustain a relationship because it was never created to do so.
My bottom line:
Without the unchanging Word of God, we risk falling for false doctrines and empty promises without even realizing we’re being misled. Whether the person sharing them means well or not, the truth remains that words have power. They shape our thoughts and expectations. That’s why we need God’s Word to guard our minds, anchoring us in His promises and His promises alone. Amen?
Here are some TRUE promises of God:
God's Presence – He promises to be with us always.
Isaiah 41:10: "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Matthew 28:20: "And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age."
God’s Strength – He gives us strength when we are weak.
Isaiah 40:29: "He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength."
God’s Provision – He promises to meet our needs.
Philippians 4:19: "And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus."
God’s Peace – He offers us peace beyond understanding.
John 14:27: "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."
Philippians 4:7: "And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
God’s Guidance – He directs our steps.
Proverbs 3:5-6: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths."
God’s Forgiveness – He promises forgiveness when we confess our sins.
1 John 1:9: "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
God’s Love – His love is unchanging and eternal.
Romans 8:38-39: "For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Eternal Life – He promises eternal life through faith in Christ.
John 3:16: "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."
God’s Faithfulness – His promises are trustworthy and He will keep them.
2 Timothy 2:13: "If we are faithless, he remains faithful—for he cannot deny himself."
Victory Over Temptation – He provides a way out when we are tempted.
1 Corinthians 10:13: "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."
These promises remind us of God’s presence, provision, and faithfulness in every aspect of life.