Into Deeper Waters

Surrendering in the Waiting

Perhaps death is not something to avoid at all costs. Without death, there is no resurrection. Without suffering, there is no comfort. It is with the backdrop of pain, desperation, and darkness that I get to witness miracles to the works of God that I never would have seen otherwise. - Carolyn Chen

Last Sunday morning at church, the song "Oceans" by Taya from Hillsong began to play. I’ve heard it countless times, but this time, the lyrics struck deeper:

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Saviour

Years ago, when I first encountered this song as a non-believer, it stirred something simple yet profound—an invitation to trust Jesus with my salvation. That alone felt like a huge step. But now, standing in this season of regulating my nervous system from the shock of motherhood, I found myself thinking, “You want me to go even deeper? Isn’t the water already up to my nose? This already is so painful—how could you possibly want more?”

And yet, the invitation was clear: deeper into the ocean of faith.
Deeper than I’ve ever gone.
Deeper than I ever wanted to go.

Make my faith stronger?

I now understand— that is not a fluffy request. It’s a plea that comes with a cost. It means more surrender. More discomfort. More dying to self—especially for someone like me, who’s still very much learning how to loosen the grip of control and self-centeredness. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to feel like I’m drowning in the unknown. But even in this pain, I can sense a quiet invitation: Step forward. Trust Me. Obey, even when you’re afraid.

This kind of surrender doesn’t come wrapped in a bow with butterflies of peace fluttering with understanding—no, it’s born in the fire! The fire of refinement. In the wrestling. In the tears cried on bathroom floors and in prayers that feel more like groans. But with each step forward, I’m realizing something sacred: perhaps death is not something to avoid at all costs. My friend, Carolyn, said it beautifully:

Because without death, there is no resurrection.
Without suffering, there is no comfort.
Without darkness, there are no stars.

It is in the deepest valleys—those shadowed by disappointment, delay, and doubt—that I have seen God most clearly. It’s where I’ve felt His closeness in ways I never would have if everything had gone according to my plan.

So I will keep stepping forward. Even when it hurts. Even when I don’t understand. Because this ocean I’ve been invited into is not just filled with mystery and fear—it’s filled with the promise of miracles. The kind of miracles that don’t just change circumstances but transform hearts.

And maybe that’s the real gift in all of this.

Reflection Questions:
1. Where might God be calling you to for sanctification, but you resist?

2. Do you trust God as your great shepherd?